WILD DRUNKEN LUSH

Tom Paxton's "Wild Flying Dove" is toe-curlingly maudlin. 
This little ditty paints a more realistic picture
 
Some ladies drink slowly
Some ladies drink fast  
Some drink for the pleasure
Some drink to get gassed
 
(Chorus – sung between verses)
My lady's a wild drunken lush
My lady necks wine  
She won’t let me have any
Screaming, “Mine! mine! mine!”
 
She guzzles down Guinness
With port on the top  
Gets legless on voddy
But I don’t get a drop
 
She tells me she's trying
To cut down for her health  
I hope she’s successful -
Get some booze for myself