THE HOOT FAMILY
Josie and Bonnie Hoot were twin owl wazo sisters. Like all owl wazos they were both incredibly bright and intelligent. Josie was highly literate - she could finish the crossword in the Wazo Times in less than half an hour; Bonnie was the numerate one – she could do mental arithmetic at fantastic speed. Their mother Doris used to take them with her when she went shopping. When she was buying food items in a shop or supermarket, she would pass each item to Josie and Bonnie. Josie would read out to her the list of ingredients and how much there was of each. This helped her to buy only healthy food and avoid buying things that had too much sugar or too much salt or too many added chemicals. Bonnie would note the price of each item and would keep a running total of how much she was spending as she went round the store. This helped her to keep within her budget.
One day Doris and her two daughters went shopping to Wazda, a superstore with branches in most major trees. They went at night, of course, owl wazos only shop at night because their eyes are specially adapted to darkness. Not only that, in the darkness the items they shop for can’t see the owl wazos coming. It makes it easy for the wazos to fly silently up over the unsuspecting tins of beans or frozen pizzas and then swoop down and grab them in their claws.
Well, that’s how their instincts told them how to shop, but after a lot of funny looks and complaints from other shoppers, they gave it up and started shopping the normal way using a shopping trolley. (Doris still gets embarrassed remembering the time she was shopping for eggs. She had been swooping around high up in the rafters of Wazda when she spotted a large egg directly underneath. That’s a huge egg, she’d thought. That’ll be enough for the whole family’s supper tonight. And she dived down and grabbed it in her claws. But when she tried to fly off with the egg she found she couldn’t lift it. It was stuck. And there were strange squeals and cries coming from it. No wonder. It wasn’t a big egg. It was a bald eagle wazo’s head! Doris hurriedly let go and flew away empty clawed. That night the Hoot family just had raw beetles on toast for supper.)
At the start of this shopping expedition, Doris picked her shopping trolley and she, Josie and Bonnie set off round Wazda. Doris was looking for things to eat at a party she was planning for her friends in the Owl Wazo Women’s Institute (OWWI). The sort of things they usually had at OWWI parties were sausage rolls (made with minced mice), stoatwiches (slices of bread with peppered stoat in between and the crust cut off), toad-in-the-hole (made with real toad), and cockroach crumble. To drink there was usually freshly squeezed worm juice, warm frog spawn or, for those who liked a stronger drink, lager-and-slime.
They came to the cooked meat counter. There were packets of sliced mice, peppered and mustard shrew, honey-roast stoat, marinated leveret and spiced weasel. “These look nice”, said Doris, pointing to a packet of boiled shrew. She picked one up and inspected it, then handed it to Josie. “Josie, have a look and see if this boiled shrew would be ok for making sandwiches. We don’t want to be eating any chemicals.
Josie took the packet and read the label. It said ‘Owly Delight – Fresh Boiled Shrew – Ideal for Shrewiches and Snacks’. There was a picture of an owl wazo licking its beak and with a speech bubble saying “Peabody’s Shrews are Owliscious.” Underneath, in smaller letters, it said ‘Organic Free Range Shrews from Peabody’s Shrew and Stoat Farm’.
Josie turned the packet over. Aha! This is what she had been looking for. It said ‘Ingredients – Shrew’. That was all. ‘Ingredients – Shrew’. It also had a smell-by date – ‘This product will start to smell by…’ - and it gave a date two weeks ago. She handed the packet back to her mum and said, “that will be quite all right Mum, there are no additives in it, and it’s well past its smell-by date.” Doris popped three packets into the trolley.
“How much was that?” asked Bonnie, anxious to keep a note of how much her Mum was spending. She was holding a small pad of paper in one wingtip and a pencil in the other. She was chewing the end of the pencil with her long sharp beak. “One thirty five each”, replied Doris, looking at the price tag. (That was one acorn, thirty five peppercorns in owl wazo money.) Bonnie wrote it down and started to calculate – “Three times five is fifteen, that’s five carry one, three times….” Josie watched her enviously. She just couldn’t get the hang of advanced mathematics.
“I’ll get some frog as well”, said Doris pointing at some packets of Wazda’s own Frog ‘n Spawn. “I’ll make frog-in-the-hole’, with a nice spawn gravy. Frog-in-the-hole is harder to make than toad-in-the-hole but much tastier. Frogs are smaller than toads so the batter part has to be made with smaller holes to pop the frogs into. And it is much harder to make small holes in batter than big ones because the batter, if it isn't done just right, tends to flop inwards and touch the other side so the holes get blocked up. But Doris was an expert cook and had no trouble making frog-in-the-hole. (In fact, once, as a fifth birthday surprise for Bonnie and Josie she had even managed to make tadpole-in-the-hole). She picked up a packet of Frog ‘n Spawn and handed it to Josie. “Check, please, Josie”, she said.
She looked on the back of the packet. It said ‘Ingredients – Frog, 90%, Frogspawn 10%’. That was ok. But the ‘best after’ date was only three days ago. “There are no additives”, she said, “but it’s a bit close to the best-after date. Have a look and see if you can find some less fresh packets.” Doris rummaged about and finally found three really putrid packets and dropped them into the trolley.
“How much? How much?” Bonnie was dancing about agitatedly with her pad in one wingtip and a pencil in the other. “How much is a packet of Frog ‘n Spawn?” Doris looked at the price-tag. “Two eighty”, she said. Bonnie wrote it down and started calculating again.
They moved along to the Dried Creepy Crawlie counter. Most owl wazos just bought their dried creepy crawlies already made up in little packets, but Doris liked to get hers freshly ground. Behind the counter were piles of different dried creepy crawlies – ants, centipedes, millipedes (also known as hundreds and thousands), delicious tiny micropedes and even exotic nanopedes (also called zillions and gazillions).
Doris called the shop assistant over. “Excuse me, but could I have 100 grams of freshly ground termites, please?” “Certainly madam, red or black?” “Red, please”, answered Doris. She knew the red termites had a stronger taste that went better with boiled shrew.
The assistant took a large scoop and pushed it into the pile of dried red termites. She lifted up a scoopful and poured the termites into a machine at the back of the shop, then switched it on. There was a whirring noise then a lot of crackling and popping. After about 30 seconds of this she switched the machine off and, holding a paper bag under a spout she poured the termite grounds into it. Before closing the bag she sniffed it and then passed it to Doris and said, “Mmm these reds are gorgeous. Smell the aroma”. Doris took a sniff. They had an earthy stench with just a hint of maggot. “Ahh, yes. Delicious. Thanks.” The assistant closed the bag and handed it back to Doris, who dropped it into her trolley.
“Will that be all, Madam?, asked the assistant. “Yes, thanks, that’s all for today”. Doris was just about to move on when Bonnie’s voice broke in – “How much, Mum?. How much were the termites?” “Ninety-five pee”, said Doris. “Ninety-five peppercorns”.
Next they reached the part of Wazda where they sold fruit and vegetables. Wazo children are just like other children – they don’t like vegetables very much but they do like fruit – especially sweet juicy fruit like strawberries and raspberries. They also like oranges and apples. But Doris, like all good mums, knew that it was good for wazo children to eat vegetables since it gives them strong beaks and talons and bright soft feathers.
“What veggies will I get to go with the shrew sarnies and the frog-in-the-hole? Remember we’ll have red termite seasoning in the spawn gravy so it’ll need to be quite a strong-tasting vegetable or its flavour won’t get through. “Get parsnips, Mum. Get parsnips. I love parsnips!” shouted Josie. Bonnie jumped up and down and shouted, “Me too, Mum. I love parsnips too!”
So Doris looked for parsnips. He found a box full of them, like a pile of red balls with long white stringy tails. She scooped out a handful and dropped them on the scales. Then some more, and more, until she had half a kilogram. Then she tipped them into a paper bag and dropped it into the trolley. “How much are parsnips?” asked Bonnie, still chewing her pencil. “Er…65 pee a kilo”, said Doris. Bonnie wrote it down and started to work out half of 65. “I think that’ll do for the time being”, said Doris. Let’s go to the checkout.
The two girls emptied everything onto the moving conveyor belt at the checkout. The checkout chick passed everything over the laser beam that reads the price tags. At the end she said, “Is that everything today, Mrs Hoot?” “Yes, that’s all, thanks”, said Doris, putting all the food into her shopping bag. “That’ll be 5 acorns and 67 pee then”, said the chick. Doris got her purse out and handed over a six acorn note. The chick took it and opened the till.
She started to give Doris her change when Bonnie broke in. “Just a minute. I make it only 5 acorns and 66 and a half pee.” Doris laughed. “Oh come on, who cares about half a pee?” “But Mum, it’s important to get mathematics right.” She showed her calculations to the checkout chick.
She studied his list, then she said, “Aha, I see the mistake. The parsnips are 65 pee a kilo. You’ve calculated the price of half a kilo as 32 and a half pee. But it is Wazda’s policy always to round up to the nearest pee – so that should be 33 pee, and that makes 5 acorns 67 pee right. Do you see?” “Ok”, said Bonnie, crestfallen. She had been hoping to show that she was right and that the checkout chick was wrong.
They left the store. Outside it was pouring with rain. Doris had an umbrella but the two girls only had their feathers to keep the rain off. They flew off home.
By the time they got to the Hoot nest Josie and Bonnie were soaked through. They could see their father Horace through the nest window. “Shout to him”, said Doris. “Get him to come and open the door.” She waved her wings at Horace, but he didn’t see her. “Woo..ooh, Horace”, she shouted. “Wooh..ooh, Horace, let us in.” But he still didn’t see them. Doris turned to the girls. “You shout to him. You can shout louder than me. We need to get in. We can’t stand out here in the rain all day getting soaked.”
Bonnie put her wingtips to her beak and went “W… w….”, but she found she couldn’t shout. Her throat was sore with the beginnings of a cold. “I can’t. You try, Josie”, she said to her sister. Josie went, “W…. w…”. But she couldn’t shout either. She was shivering too much. “What’s the matter?” asked Doris. Bonnie said “Sorry mum, I’m too wet to wooh.” “Too wet to wooh? You? Too wet to wooh?” Josie said “Me too. I’m too wet to wooh, too. Far too wet to wooh.” “What? You too? Too wet to wooh? Well, I’m not too wet to wooh.” And with that she sucked in a huge lungfull of air then gave a tremendous “Woooooooh” and waved her wings wildly.
Horace heard her and saw her waving and ran to open the door. “Oh, it’s raining.” He said. “Come in quick before you catch cold. I saw you out there through the window.” “Well why didn’t you open the door and let us in?” asked Doris irritably, “we’re soaked.”
Horace looked at her in surprise. “But…but…I thought you were having one of these long owly conversations with Bonnie and Josie. I didn’t want to interrupt you.”
Josie and Bonnie Hoot were twin owl wazo sisters. Like all owl wazos they were both incredibly bright and intelligent. Josie was highly literate - she could finish the crossword in the Wazo Times in less than half an hour; Bonnie was the numerate one – she could do mental arithmetic at fantastic speed. Their mother Doris used to take them with her when she went shopping. When she was buying food items in a shop or supermarket, she would pass each item to Josie and Bonnie. Josie would read out to her the list of ingredients and how much there was of each. This helped her to buy only healthy food and avoid buying things that had too much sugar or too much salt or too many added chemicals. Bonnie would note the price of each item and would keep a running total of how much she was spending as she went round the store. This helped her to keep within her budget.
One day Doris and her two daughters went shopping to Wazda, a superstore with branches in most major trees. They went at night, of course, owl wazos only shop at night because their eyes are specially adapted to darkness. Not only that, in the darkness the items they shop for can’t see the owl wazos coming. It makes it easy for the wazos to fly silently up over the unsuspecting tins of beans or frozen pizzas and then swoop down and grab them in their claws.
Well, that’s how their instincts told them how to shop, but after a lot of funny looks and complaints from other shoppers, they gave it up and started shopping the normal way using a shopping trolley. (Doris still gets embarrassed remembering the time she was shopping for eggs. She had been swooping around high up in the rafters of Wazda when she spotted a large egg directly underneath. That’s a huge egg, she’d thought. That’ll be enough for the whole family’s supper tonight. And she dived down and grabbed it in her claws. But when she tried to fly off with the egg she found she couldn’t lift it. It was stuck. And there were strange squeals and cries coming from it. No wonder. It wasn’t a big egg. It was a bald eagle wazo’s head! Doris hurriedly let go and flew away empty clawed. That night the Hoot family just had raw beetles on toast for supper.)
At the start of this shopping expedition, Doris picked her shopping trolley and she, Josie and Bonnie set off round Wazda. Doris was looking for things to eat at a party she was planning for her friends in the Owl Wazo Women’s Institute (OWWI). The sort of things they usually had at OWWI parties were sausage rolls (made with minced mice), stoatwiches (slices of bread with peppered stoat in between and the crust cut off), toad-in-the-hole (made with real toad), and cockroach crumble. To drink there was usually freshly squeezed worm juice, warm frog spawn or, for those who liked a stronger drink, lager-and-slime.
They came to the cooked meat counter. There were packets of sliced mice, peppered and mustard shrew, honey-roast stoat, marinated leveret and spiced weasel. “These look nice”, said Doris, pointing to a packet of boiled shrew. She picked one up and inspected it, then handed it to Josie. “Josie, have a look and see if this boiled shrew would be ok for making sandwiches. We don’t want to be eating any chemicals.
Josie took the packet and read the label. It said ‘Owly Delight – Fresh Boiled Shrew – Ideal for Shrewiches and Snacks’. There was a picture of an owl wazo licking its beak and with a speech bubble saying “Peabody’s Shrews are Owliscious.” Underneath, in smaller letters, it said ‘Organic Free Range Shrews from Peabody’s Shrew and Stoat Farm’.
Josie turned the packet over. Aha! This is what she had been looking for. It said ‘Ingredients – Shrew’. That was all. ‘Ingredients – Shrew’. It also had a smell-by date – ‘This product will start to smell by…’ - and it gave a date two weeks ago. She handed the packet back to her mum and said, “that will be quite all right Mum, there are no additives in it, and it’s well past its smell-by date.” Doris popped three packets into the trolley.
“How much was that?” asked Bonnie, anxious to keep a note of how much her Mum was spending. She was holding a small pad of paper in one wingtip and a pencil in the other. She was chewing the end of the pencil with her long sharp beak. “One thirty five each”, replied Doris, looking at the price tag. (That was one acorn, thirty five peppercorns in owl wazo money.) Bonnie wrote it down and started to calculate – “Three times five is fifteen, that’s five carry one, three times….” Josie watched her enviously. She just couldn’t get the hang of advanced mathematics.
“I’ll get some frog as well”, said Doris pointing at some packets of Wazda’s own Frog ‘n Spawn. “I’ll make frog-in-the-hole’, with a nice spawn gravy. Frog-in-the-hole is harder to make than toad-in-the-hole but much tastier. Frogs are smaller than toads so the batter part has to be made with smaller holes to pop the frogs into. And it is much harder to make small holes in batter than big ones because the batter, if it isn't done just right, tends to flop inwards and touch the other side so the holes get blocked up. But Doris was an expert cook and had no trouble making frog-in-the-hole. (In fact, once, as a fifth birthday surprise for Bonnie and Josie she had even managed to make tadpole-in-the-hole). She picked up a packet of Frog ‘n Spawn and handed it to Josie. “Check, please, Josie”, she said.
She looked on the back of the packet. It said ‘Ingredients – Frog, 90%, Frogspawn 10%’. That was ok. But the ‘best after’ date was only three days ago. “There are no additives”, she said, “but it’s a bit close to the best-after date. Have a look and see if you can find some less fresh packets.” Doris rummaged about and finally found three really putrid packets and dropped them into the trolley.
“How much? How much?” Bonnie was dancing about agitatedly with her pad in one wingtip and a pencil in the other. “How much is a packet of Frog ‘n Spawn?” Doris looked at the price-tag. “Two eighty”, she said. Bonnie wrote it down and started calculating again.
They moved along to the Dried Creepy Crawlie counter. Most owl wazos just bought their dried creepy crawlies already made up in little packets, but Doris liked to get hers freshly ground. Behind the counter were piles of different dried creepy crawlies – ants, centipedes, millipedes (also known as hundreds and thousands), delicious tiny micropedes and even exotic nanopedes (also called zillions and gazillions).
Doris called the shop assistant over. “Excuse me, but could I have 100 grams of freshly ground termites, please?” “Certainly madam, red or black?” “Red, please”, answered Doris. She knew the red termites had a stronger taste that went better with boiled shrew.
The assistant took a large scoop and pushed it into the pile of dried red termites. She lifted up a scoopful and poured the termites into a machine at the back of the shop, then switched it on. There was a whirring noise then a lot of crackling and popping. After about 30 seconds of this she switched the machine off and, holding a paper bag under a spout she poured the termite grounds into it. Before closing the bag she sniffed it and then passed it to Doris and said, “Mmm these reds are gorgeous. Smell the aroma”. Doris took a sniff. They had an earthy stench with just a hint of maggot. “Ahh, yes. Delicious. Thanks.” The assistant closed the bag and handed it back to Doris, who dropped it into her trolley.
“Will that be all, Madam?, asked the assistant. “Yes, thanks, that’s all for today”. Doris was just about to move on when Bonnie’s voice broke in – “How much, Mum?. How much were the termites?” “Ninety-five pee”, said Doris. “Ninety-five peppercorns”.
Next they reached the part of Wazda where they sold fruit and vegetables. Wazo children are just like other children – they don’t like vegetables very much but they do like fruit – especially sweet juicy fruit like strawberries and raspberries. They also like oranges and apples. But Doris, like all good mums, knew that it was good for wazo children to eat vegetables since it gives them strong beaks and talons and bright soft feathers.
“What veggies will I get to go with the shrew sarnies and the frog-in-the-hole? Remember we’ll have red termite seasoning in the spawn gravy so it’ll need to be quite a strong-tasting vegetable or its flavour won’t get through. “Get parsnips, Mum. Get parsnips. I love parsnips!” shouted Josie. Bonnie jumped up and down and shouted, “Me too, Mum. I love parsnips too!”
So Doris looked for parsnips. He found a box full of them, like a pile of red balls with long white stringy tails. She scooped out a handful and dropped them on the scales. Then some more, and more, until she had half a kilogram. Then she tipped them into a paper bag and dropped it into the trolley. “How much are parsnips?” asked Bonnie, still chewing her pencil. “Er…65 pee a kilo”, said Doris. Bonnie wrote it down and started to work out half of 65. “I think that’ll do for the time being”, said Doris. Let’s go to the checkout.
The two girls emptied everything onto the moving conveyor belt at the checkout. The checkout chick passed everything over the laser beam that reads the price tags. At the end she said, “Is that everything today, Mrs Hoot?” “Yes, that’s all, thanks”, said Doris, putting all the food into her shopping bag. “That’ll be 5 acorns and 67 pee then”, said the chick. Doris got her purse out and handed over a six acorn note. The chick took it and opened the till.
She started to give Doris her change when Bonnie broke in. “Just a minute. I make it only 5 acorns and 66 and a half pee.” Doris laughed. “Oh come on, who cares about half a pee?” “But Mum, it’s important to get mathematics right.” She showed her calculations to the checkout chick.
She studied his list, then she said, “Aha, I see the mistake. The parsnips are 65 pee a kilo. You’ve calculated the price of half a kilo as 32 and a half pee. But it is Wazda’s policy always to round up to the nearest pee – so that should be 33 pee, and that makes 5 acorns 67 pee right. Do you see?” “Ok”, said Bonnie, crestfallen. She had been hoping to show that she was right and that the checkout chick was wrong.
They left the store. Outside it was pouring with rain. Doris had an umbrella but the two girls only had their feathers to keep the rain off. They flew off home.
By the time they got to the Hoot nest Josie and Bonnie were soaked through. They could see their father Horace through the nest window. “Shout to him”, said Doris. “Get him to come and open the door.” She waved her wings at Horace, but he didn’t see her. “Woo..ooh, Horace”, she shouted. “Wooh..ooh, Horace, let us in.” But he still didn’t see them. Doris turned to the girls. “You shout to him. You can shout louder than me. We need to get in. We can’t stand out here in the rain all day getting soaked.”
Bonnie put her wingtips to her beak and went “W… w….”, but she found she couldn’t shout. Her throat was sore with the beginnings of a cold. “I can’t. You try, Josie”, she said to her sister. Josie went, “W…. w…”. But she couldn’t shout either. She was shivering too much. “What’s the matter?” asked Doris. Bonnie said “Sorry mum, I’m too wet to wooh.” “Too wet to wooh? You? Too wet to wooh?” Josie said “Me too. I’m too wet to wooh, too. Far too wet to wooh.” “What? You too? Too wet to wooh? Well, I’m not too wet to wooh.” And with that she sucked in a huge lungfull of air then gave a tremendous “Woooooooh” and waved her wings wildly.
Horace heard her and saw her waving and ran to open the door. “Oh, it’s raining.” He said. “Come in quick before you catch cold. I saw you out there through the window.” “Well why didn’t you open the door and let us in?” asked Doris irritably, “we’re soaked.”
Horace looked at her in surprise. “But…but…I thought you were having one of these long owly conversations with Bonnie and Josie. I didn’t want to interrupt you.”
